Walking along, feeling free, at peace with myself, head held high... enjoying the beauty that is around me. My steps are lighter and I move quicker across the ground. I hear the water that is so very calming to me. I daydream about things to come, the love I will feel, the smell of the concrete after it rains. The world is beautiful, my mind is at peace.
Beep, beep...
Wrenched out of my peace, I pick up the phone, glance at the screen and am covered in a shower of thick, black, sticky psychological sludge. It covers everything, pollutes the river, drips from the trees. It is hard to move, difficult to breathe. My chest is thick as my anxiety starts to rise. The inner peace fades from sight. My feet no longer glide across the concrete; there is a thick layer of muck...hard to wade through.
The layer of psychological sludge is not as heavy as last time, but I still need to clean it up. Shake it off the trees, remove it from the river, and work, work hard to make everything beautiful again. It's doable but the sludge is tiring, it is draining my energy, trying to take away my self-worth... making my heartbeat weaken and my walls start building back up.
I have to be quick to clean, not to let it stick to everything for too long or it will become permanent, polluting the peace and the beauty around me. I must move fast, the sludge doesn't get to win. Someone hand me a squeegee, please. Oh shit, I'll get it myself.
the more regularly you clean it, the less difficult it is to clean!
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