An Assault on Your Eyes

Does this background totally assault your eyes, or is it just me? I am going to try and get used to it for a bit. If you are horribly opposed and want me to take it down, please let me know.

Today is the day after Christmas, a day of rest. It is a beautiful day. I am calm and content. I have not a care in the world. I have an amazing family that I can see at any moment. I have friends that are absolutely incredible. They each serve a different purpose in my life and for that I love them all dearly. I am also terribly grateful that my darling has walked into my life. I felt like I had been patient, waiting for the perfect woman.

Perfect you say? Well, no one is perfect, but she is perfect for me. She makes me laugh and forces me to think. I work through things with a partner now.

I found that 2010 was full of trials and tribulations. But I am eternally grateful for the year and the experiences that I have had. I have done incredible things and met incredible people. I am blessed.

At Least I am Listening Now

I was always told that when I find someone worth finding, it would be easy. There would be little drama and the effort will seem non-existant because I will want to treat this person like a queen. I never listened or scoffed at this. It had certainly never been in the case for me in all the relationships I have had. It had always been a hassle or too much work or simply too hard.

I am happy to report I am at least listening now. I have found someone magical and it is easy. There is talking and communicating but never drama. There is no such thing as a hassle with her and doing things for her is never too much work. I love doing things for her and making her feel like the wonderful woman that she is.

To be able to have so much in common yet so much different with one person is a gift. I am comfortable and not judged while always remaining on my toes, but in a very good and exciting way. I guess the advice I received was correct. Now that I have met someone worth meeting, the drama is MIA and I love being treated like a gentleman.

She makes me feel like the perfect combination of gentleman and lady. She appreciates both of the genders I encompass. She treats me like the hope diamond. I am not afraid to exist with my heart in her hands, as I know she will be gentle when she needs to be with the perfect balance of rough. I am thrilled this is all happening unexpectedly.

A Total Dork

I find myself to be one of the biggest dorks I know. This isn't a bad thing. In fact, I think it is totally strange and awesome. Kind of a Clark Kent/Roy Orbison/Elvis Presley looking guy. A little Superman hidden in there somewhere.

I even have my own form of kryptonite. Alcohol is my kryptonite. I love it but if I touch it, it will kill me. Alcohol is my kryptonite.

I am very happy lately. I have finally found a woman worth actually finding. That is a pretty fun feeling. Not over invested, invested just enough. A balancing act living in a land of ambiguity. It will play out as it is meant to play out. As it always does.

There Aint No Rain Tonight

Psychic after psychic used to tell me to just hold on until my 30s. They warned me that my 20s would be turbulent. They were. They were rocky, albeit beautiful. Well now I am here, in my 30s and have been for 6 months. I can already tell you that my 30s have been good to me thus far. I have done some incredible things, felt some incredible things, and met some incredible people.

I feel like I am much more settled in myself. I am far more sure of myself and happier. I am making better decisions regarding the poisons I do and do not let into my life. I have cut things out and built stronger things in their places. My boundaries are more solid then they have ever been. This all feels really good.

I can't be sure if some self-awareness has led me to make better decisions or if the universe is simply applauding my decisions. Either way, it is unreal. I protect my heart more than I used to. I'm starting to realize she is like a diamond. Precious and beautiful and can even cut glass. An intense creation beating inside my chest and inside my soul. I am ruled by my heart. It always wins the head vs. heart battle. Always. I feel finally inspired by this.

I wear my heart on my sleeve with pride, finally. While I experience a great amount of pain, the amount of beauty I get to see is worth the journey. This heart allows me to see the world in a way most people couldn't even imagine. It's a strange existence.

PS... the Nuggets are playing the Celtics right now. I am so conflicted who to go for but secretly am wearing my Celtics cap. It's currently 30-11, Celtics. Of interest and sadness.

So I drew a new face and I laughed...

Here I am, resting in the land of ambiguity. Trying not to be nervous or impatient. I am just trying to sit in the moments, finding the beauty within every single event. If I begin to over think things, I panic. So, I am trying to remain calm. This is new ground for me, sitting in the ambiguity. It is a good lesson that I have needed to learn for a long time now and I am glad I met a marvelous woman to help me learn this.

Yes, you read that right. I met someone. She is kind and funny and intelligent and sexy. She makes me laugh and makes me think about things. She teaches me new ways of thinking. Ways that help calm me down. She says everything I've ever wanted to hear and more. She is a wise woman. I very much enjoy her.

She is helping me to realize I need to be calm and flexible and patient. Very patient. She is the most honest communicator that I have ever met and I am realizing that I need that in a relationship. I need someone direct.

I certainly don't know if this whole thing will go anywhere, but I sure am excited to find out. I like this woman. It's complicated, but she is beautiful in every sense of the word.