To Be in Love

This whole being in love thing sure is a wonderful feeling. I can't seem to comprehend how I could fall in love with this perfect woman. Not only did I find her, but I love her and she loves me back. Life is just a little bit more beautiful because she is in it.

I hesitate to call her my girlfriend, because she is so much more than that. She is my partner, in crime, in crime fighting, in love, and in adventure. I no longer have to experience the world alone. She makes me feel a little more alive, while knowing I was okay before on my own. I know I can do this all on my own, but it is nice to finally not have to. I have a partner who helps me process emotions and time, life and love, deceit and manipulation, fears of abandonment.

I find that she loves me for exactly who I am, as I am in each moment. I don't have to hustle to move things, hide things, or fix things. I am just allowed to exist as I am and she not only tolerates it, but actually likes me for it. I feel like the luckiest guy on the earth. And no, I have no idea why she is drinking milk in this photo :)

Triumph

I feel today as though I have triumphed over some of my fears. This has been happening for a lifetime now. Always getting over fears. After all, I am a worrier. We all know this. It happens when you wear your heart on your sleeve. I must say today I triumphed over a big fear. I always thought that I should stay with the person I was with because what if I couldn't find anyone better? Then I would have fucked up and lost them. Well, today I realized, well, maybe they couldn't find anyone better than me. I am worth more than I give myself credit for.

I like myself. I like who I am. I make myself laugh and smile. I make myself happy. At the same time, I realize I am also my greatest enemy when I turn to negative self talk. That negative talk is growing less frequent over time. I must remember that I am worth something, in the good and the bad moments. At the end of the day, I am okay alone. Like my next tattoo will read "And you will watch with serenity through the winters of your grief."

One can find beauty in pain and fear as well as happiness and joy. They are two extremes but the opposite sides of the same coin. Without the pain, there can be no joy. Ok, so you can probably tell, my life philosophies sound like those of Khalil Gibran. He is one of my teachers. However, there is truth to what he teaches. I feel sometimes as though I can see such great beauty because I have known intense pain. And at the end of the day, I hope I can find myself sitting in both extremes and view them with serenity.

I have realized that I have an easier time letting go than ever before. Things don't possess me like they used to. I don't allow myself the great disappointments I felt in my youth. I created them myself. I see that now. Without expectations I am happier. There is much less pain. I am more forgiving of myself and of others. I finally appreciate who I am and am proud to be exactly as I am. That feels really fucking awesome.

My Darling

As much as I have loved this vacation, I will welcome being home tomorrow. I look forward to seeing my friends and family, my cats and my house. It is nice that I have been missed by my co-workers and friends. To feel that people actually miss you is an extraordinary feeling. It makes me feel I have purpose and a reason to return home.

Mainly, I look forward to being picked up at the airport by my girl. She is wonderful and sexy. I have missed her very much. I love returning home to a partner that adores me. I love returning home to a partner I adore. Her smile lights up the room and her kindness is shared by many.

Tomorrow I will return to Denver and hope that I am welcomed with open arms.

Boston

I am having such a wonderful and relaxing time here in Boston. It is beautiful and old and haunted. There are many cemeteries that I find beautiful. Others may find this creepy. The streets are crooked and confusing. There is chaos which seems to make sense to everyone who lives here. It's a gorgeous city. Yesterday I was down in Harvard Square (see picture above). It inspired me as my Aunt got her PhD from Harvard. I thought of her.

Today I will be taking the train to meet my darling friend in South Boston. I look forward to seeing yet another up and coming neighborhood that I can fall madly in love with. I hear it is really LGBT friendly there, that there are many boutiques, and fun restaurants. I look forward to wandering the city. I love wandering.

It hit me yesterday that I have made significant growth over my life. I am totally comfortable bumming around a city on my own, navigating trains, killing time, entertaining myself, and being totally content. This would have been an impossible feat had I not survived in San Francisco alone for so long. While my Uncle claims I went to SF and pissed away all Daddy's money, I completely disagree. It was the most important growing experience of my life.

I certainly love my friends here that I am visiting. They make it calm and comfortable, kind and funny. I miss them living in Colorado but I am gifted that I get to travel out here and that they are returning to Denver in March. It will make it easier to say good-bye, once again.

I look forward, though, to returning to my darling Denver. A beautiful city which holds my family and friends, my house and my kitties, my job and my school. It is also the home of my sweet darling dear woman. Many have made it clear to me that they miss me in Colorado. It is nice to be missed.

Meet the Enos

Well, my darling is amazing. She is kind and sweet and rough and jagged. She is the perfect balance for me. A puzzle piece that snapped perfectly into my life. She allows me to be exactly as I need to be and I do the same for her. Well, yep she is important to me.

It took a bit but we finally decided it was time to meet each other's family. While we haven't been together all that long, I feel that I know her and have been with her in another life. I finally found her, here, in this body. A sexy body no less.

This morning she met my mom and sister. It went well and I think every one was comfortable. But that could just be an illusion. It was so surreal to me that I was having an out of body experience. A defense mechanism I believe I picked up somewhere along the line. To be discussed in therapy.

However, it went great. Every one was kind and pleasant. My mom told me that she was sweet and kind. Two qualities of hers that I appreciate more than she will ever know. I meet her family on Tuesday evening. I am nervous because she is so important to me. I don't want to fuck it up. I won't fuck it up.