Triumph

I feel today as though I have triumphed over some of my fears. This has been happening for a lifetime now. Always getting over fears. After all, I am a worrier. We all know this. It happens when you wear your heart on your sleeve. I must say today I triumphed over a big fear. I always thought that I should stay with the person I was with because what if I couldn't find anyone better? Then I would have fucked up and lost them. Well, today I realized, well, maybe they couldn't find anyone better than me. I am worth more than I give myself credit for.

I like myself. I like who I am. I make myself laugh and smile. I make myself happy. At the same time, I realize I am also my greatest enemy when I turn to negative self talk. That negative talk is growing less frequent over time. I must remember that I am worth something, in the good and the bad moments. At the end of the day, I am okay alone. Like my next tattoo will read "And you will watch with serenity through the winters of your grief."

One can find beauty in pain and fear as well as happiness and joy. They are two extremes but the opposite sides of the same coin. Without the pain, there can be no joy. Ok, so you can probably tell, my life philosophies sound like those of Khalil Gibran. He is one of my teachers. However, there is truth to what he teaches. I feel sometimes as though I can see such great beauty because I have known intense pain. And at the end of the day, I hope I can find myself sitting in both extremes and view them with serenity.

I have realized that I have an easier time letting go than ever before. Things don't possess me like they used to. I don't allow myself the great disappointments I felt in my youth. I created them myself. I see that now. Without expectations I am happier. There is much less pain. I am more forgiving of myself and of others. I finally appreciate who I am and am proud to be exactly as I am. That feels really fucking awesome.