The Wedding Ring Game

Oooo, she's hot... I think to myself. I look down, boom, she has a wedding ring. All women these days who are attractive and worth looking at, seem to have wedding rings on. I find myself frustrated.

I'm frustrated, because I thought she was a homo. Nope, another straight girl. I think the older I get, the harder it is to figure out who is datable material. Women in their 30s start to cut their hair, wear comfortable clothes, and look more, well, gay. It's screwing up my ability to spot a gay.

Dang, that girl is cute! Oh, she has a husband, damn it. I mean, this just happened to me, minutes ago, in the coffee room. So, do I just continue to flirt with everyone in hopes one of them happens to like women and begins to fancy me, or do I stop flirting all together, because clearly these women aren't avaliable.

Damn those wedding rings. Damn the fact I can't get married. Damn the fact that gay people wear wedding rings at all. I hate the institution of marriage. I don't want to own another human being, to put a ring on her, to signal she is mine. But if everyone stopped wearing wedding rings, how would I have any clue who was avaliable and who was taken? But those damn rings, just a fucking joke, watching the gay community assimilate into the straight community. They long for acceptance...

I don't care about the acceptance. I'm sure at least once a day, someone sees me, thinks I'm gay, and doesn't approve. Well F that. C'est la vie. But if I look real close at this person, I bet you they are wearing that wedding ring. Sickening.

Sitting in the quiet.

Like always, my brain was running overtime.   I was tired of thinking, re-thinking, and thinking about it again.  So, I decided I was giving it too much energy, so I stopped.  I just stopped. Stopped talking, stopped wishing, stopped caring.  I was finally pushed too far.  It was all to abusive.  It had to end.  I watch myself now, should I text? No.  It'll only open up a dialogue not worth having.  I put the phone down.  

Used to being sent texts all day, every day, it is now quiet.  There is no more of a constant cringe every time my phone goes off.  I wasn't worried because I knew that everyone who would be contacting me wouldn't be writing to put me down.  It was a relief.  I sit now in the quiet, slightly uncomfortable and a little more anxious.  However, I seem to be smiling more and enjoying the world.  I think I forgot to see the beauty every day.