As I stood at the coffee counter this morning waiting for her to pour my morning addiction, it comes over me that I have forgotten my wallet. Do I think, damn it! How will I pay for this coffee? No, never crosses my mind. I panic thinking about how I just drove to work without my ID, how I can ask Kirsten to pay for our lunch maybe and I'll pay her back...all while I pat all my pockets in disbelief that I did this. Mind you, at the same time, I am paying the woman for my coffee as I freak out. Where did that money come from? From my wallet that was in my hands. I returned the wallet to my pocket without thinking about it and continued to freak out. About 100 yards later it hit me that I was just a dumb ass. My insanity never fails to keep me amused.
On a slightly different, still slightly insane note, I am finding peace and happiness with the universe today. Man, just when I was so down and out, broken hearted, with low self-esteem, beaten to a pulp and wanted to just give up, I find it just isn't that simple. After some serious reading and Liz getting her life back together time, through lots of crying and fears and re-establishment of new boundaries, Enter, new friend-old soul, who lives over 1000 miles away. I have entered into a realm I am not used to but am seeming to embrace and adore. This beautiful woman feels like a soul who I have connected with in many, many past lives. One that I have loved and cared for before my body ever formed. A soul that is comfortable with me and in me. It is a very good and strange, longed for kind of a feeling. Like I have spent this life, thus far, searching for this soul...being tricked into thinking I have found it time and time again, only to realize I was trying to make the other souls into the soul I wanted to find.
By no means am I packing up my bags and moving 1000 miles away, and I don't feel I need too. I have finally found this soul again and it makes me calm, happy, maybe even a little complete, even from a distance. I adore that she wants what I want in this life... but I feel this is so much larger than that.
No comments:
Post a Comment