My head is heavy... water fills my brain. On an ocean, it makes me sick to my stomach. My head is cloudy, floating in the tides, weathering the ebb and flow, the ups and downs. I want to get off this boat. It doesn't agree well with me. But, I can't get off this boat. It is my life, it is in my head. My feet are on solid ground but the world around me sways. I want off this boat before I get sick. I try to remain calm because panicking will only make it worse. Breathe, focus, be still. How can I be still and quiet and lay down when I am at work? It can't happen.
Maybe I will close my eyes and start to believe that I am simply on a boat, on a fishing trip, it is part of the journey. My life will be one long fishing trip in which the rest of my existence is a dream. Sometimes It feels like I am watching someone brush their teeth and do the dishes but then I have a moment when I realize it is me, it is my life... before you know it I am right back watching myself again. Right back on my life long fishing trip.
Ah, yes, I know this feeling.
ReplyDeleteIt's anxiety.
Take a little ride on your breath.
Be small and trace the path as the air moves in through your nostrils, into your lungs, and circles back out your mouth or nose.
Allow yourself to get lost in the circle of your breath.
I find this EXTREMELY grounding.